Awkward eyecontact

Dear uncomfortable train commuter,

I'm the person staring at you. It's nothing personal, I travel on this train daily and I stare at people. I can't help myself. I look at what you're wearing, I think about what made you put that outfit and those accessories together. I look at your hair colour, sometimes I try to suss out if you've had work done on you face. Yours looks very natural. Often I make up a story about what your life might be like.

Generally I'm good at sensing when you're about to look up, so that I can quickly look away. But lately, I've lost my touch and have been engaging in a greater amount of "awkward eye contact" or "aec". Basically; that moment of connection when the staree catches the starer in the act of staring. The result is typically a quizzical look and/or outright fear.

The worst is when you catch me and instead of permanently looking away, I continue to dart my eyes over to you again and again, which of course you keep catching, because clearly if there is some strange little woman LOOKING at you, you are going to keep an eye on her because you're suspicious that she either wants a) your babies b) to kill or maime you or c) to steal your wallet/bag/shoes etc. Honestly, I don't want any of those things. I just missed some part of the socialisation process and am forever cursed with the inability to rein in my eyes or imagination.

Sincere apologies.
zz