Showing posts with label novel. Show all posts
Showing posts with label novel. Show all posts

Friday

Overwhelm




I've read a quite few books and articles about writing, drafting, redrafting and finishing my manuscript. All inspiring, all packed with great advice and so on. And I was going great guns for about a year. I finished draft one and started work on draft two. Cutting back on all the rubbish (there was a lot of that), refining plot, developing characters...

Then I stopped.

I got busy. Life's varied and incessant demands for my attention have kept me away from my WIP. Oh yes and then I lost my laptop (who does that?). 

Now I'm in a place where I loath to even think about the novel. A year of my life is in it, but I can't bear to even look, because I'm afraid that laying eyes on it will unleash one of the two possibilities that I secretly fear... 

1. That it's a useless piece of trash. That there's no point in editing any further, that the story will never be what I want it to be.

2. (Perhaps a far worse fate) That it's not a useless piece of trash. That there is a point in editing it futher, that it can and will be what I want it to be if I give it disciplined focus and time.

Losing momentum is a difficult problem to come up against. You feel unstoppable when things are good, when you have good habits and your blazing a trail of righteous creativity. When you're not moving forward, the realisation that you are very very stoppable is incredibly painful.

So here I am working out how to restart the urgency to see this novel
to the end (again). I have a feeling it will involve deep breathing and little steps and perhaps a little more writing...

Wednesday

what does he look like?

Source unknown



Why is it that so many protagonists have attractive hips, a strong jawline, full lips and breasts (What does that even mean? "Full breasts"? Full of what? Are they going to breast-feed someone soon? How is this helping me to understand this character's motivations?), strong arms, eyes shaped like almonds and the colour of deep mysterious pools of dark water? Why are so many protagonists either extremely attractive or passably pretty at the least? And why despite all the pretty, are they such well-rounded, humble, non-arrogant, moral people?

Will we not connect with or care for a heroine (or hero) if she has a figure like a over-ripe pear, upper arms with the jiggly bits underneath that you have to hold onto when you wave goodbye, tiny myopic eyes and unrelenting adult acne? What about if they are only of average intellegence?

I wrote in an earlier post about how I avoid writing about my protagonist's clothes. I've found that I'm just as reluctant to write physical descriptions for them too! I don't want to make them attractive and perfect, and I don't want them to be hideous so what does that leave?

"She was of average build, brown hair, with one of those faces that you recognise, not because you know her, but because so many other people have the same generic features as her uninspiring face." What's the point? I may as well say: "She's looked like a woman, ya know wha' I mean?"

Maybe it goes back to Greek mythology with Helen of Troy, beautiful goddesses and handsome gods. Their beauty, grace, powers made them awesome and facinating. Beautiful people are muses aren't they? They inspire adoration? They are the stuff of songs and sonnets.

Or maybe we just don't want our precious protagonists to be blighted with pain of having to squeeze into waist to knee control knickers or the distraction of having to comb their dense monobrows out of their eyes.

What do you think? How would you describe your protagonist? Does anyone have a supremely ugly hero/heroine?

Friday

The first time…


This post can now be found at my new blog: www.onethousandlights.com

Monday

Finished!

makeshift workspace

Sadly I have neglected blogging for a couple of weeks, but I assure you is was for a good cause. That cause being...finishing draft ONE of my first novel!

It is a fantastic feeling to finally be done with this sometimes joyful (largely painful) experience. Today I began reading my manuscript from the beginning for the very first time (!!). I am putting together a summary of each chapter and working out the kinks. In the next few months I'll be working on editing/culling scenes, researching the multitudes of details that I fudged my way through, expanding and colouring my characters, beautifying my at times utilitarian prose and giving it an overall spit and shine! I have an few friends and an editor lined up to read through it all and then who knows, it could be time to look for an agent or it could be time to take a vow of silence, curl up into the foetal position and cry myself to sleep every night using the awful pages of my failed novel as punishing, nose-scrapping tissue paper.

Look it’s possible that I am the most talentless person to ever attempt fiction writing and it's quite likely that this loosely structured, chaotic story is in fact unsalvageable, but I feel incredibly proud of myself for sticking to it! 


Starting my first novel draft has opened my mind to the possibilities of creativity, it's sparked a hundred conversations with others who have an inkling of starting their own creative endeavours and it’s given me the confidence to aim bigger in my life. Finishing my first novel draft has taught me a lot about how I work and what kind of process I need to apply to completing big tasks and most importantly, it has helped me to apply discipline to my work habits.

I’m hoping that today you get a little bit more excited about your own novel (painting, song, poem, sculpture, short story, sewing project, photography…) and finish it!

Tuesday

What lurks in the deep



Last night I wrote a pivotal chapter in my novel.

I’ve finally hit my relatively modest goal of 50 000 words since starting in November 2008 (!) The story has swelled and is continuing to grow despite me, though I’m eager to end it – even if it means writing a purely arbitrary finale – so that I can begin the very scary journey of EDITING! (eek!)

Anyway, last night I wrote a pivotal chapter. It was emotional, scary and at times I wanted to stop but I couldn't. I find that writing upsetting scenes come naturally to me. Most of the time I struggle to write even 300 words in one sitting. But when the content is distressing or moving and when I find myself asking the question "can I show this to other people", my writing becomes fluid, I can punch out 1000 words in under an hour and it is mostly coherent.

I have a few scenes in my novel like this. Scenes that I seriously question whether I have the stomach to edit, expand and prepare for a second/third/fourth pair of eyes to read. The scenes are not morbidly grotesque or terribly depressing, but they are dark and confronting. Sometimes they are themes that stem from dark times in my own life - though they are always fictionalised extensions of what I have experienced.

Despite the fact that it is fiction, sometimes the emotion of traumatic scenes, that my characters face, get to me. I've gotten emotional while writing about four or five key scenes while writing this piece. One of which I don't know if I'll ultimately include at all in my second draft. I feel like I can communicate the scene well enough and it defines the behaviour of one of the main characters... but I don't know if I want the content, I don't know if it has a place in the bigger story, I don't know if I can go back to it to improve and manipulate the first raw scribbling.

Have you experienced this? What do you do when your content gets too close to home? What do you do when it gets too far from home and you find yourself a little lost

Ps. If you want to read an extract of my WIP click here (1) and then here (2) let me know what you think!

Friday

Fighting with my protagonist


I am so frustrated with my novel's protagonist Adin.

As a little girl she is tenacious, annoying, deceptive, vulnerable, funny and lovable, well I love her and that counts.

As an adult, I just can't connect with her. Which is a problem; how could anyone else ever connect with her if I can't - she came out of my brain!

Grown-up Adin is elusive and cunning. She’s made a career out being shrewd and lifestyle out of isolation. These characteristics are interesting enough, but having a conversation with someone like this is an experience akin to hitting your head repeatedly against a rather thick, abrasive wall.

I've tried to write out an interview with Adin to get more from her, but it felt much like the above. How can your own imagination be cagey and distrustful?

I've left it until now, and focussed on volume volume volume. But now I have a plan. Over the next little while, I’ll be thinking and blogging about novels and the characters that I love as a means of digging deep and finding the things that draw me to them. What makes me commit hours of my precious (and often limited) attention to reading their stories?

I'll start soon with ‘Rahel’ from my all time favourite book: "The God of Small Things' by Arundhati Roy. Wish me luck!

Do you have any tips or tricks on characterisation? I’m totally down with the weird stuff people do for their art, so please share!

Sex Spells give me hope


A couple of Saturdays ago I wrote 1000 words of my novel. I spent the morning in the library, hidden away in a little corner writing and hoping no-one would notice and/or come and peruse the selection of books that surrounded me, which apparently covered everything you need to know about "sex spells" and "sex astrology".

Okay honestly, how many sex spells can there be in the world? Because let me tell you there are an awful lot of books on the subject!

That annoys me. Why would anyone need to read a book on sex spells? Apart from obviously having exhausted the many other resources available to them in romance novels,  medical centres, high school pamphlets, anecdotal experiences and yahoo answers dot com? But not only that, why are there SO many books on this subject? Who publishes this? How niche can you get??

Well, okay, so it is.

I really wanted to say: "Go me, 45,000 words and counting" but what I guess I've ended up saying is: "If there's a market for rubbish such as the above, there must be a way to get my work published one day", and so I will cling to that thought like a mangy piece of driftwood when the tide comes in and I'm all but totally overwhelmed by the sea of rejection.

Thursday

Ships Ahoy




On Tues night I had an Iced chocolate in the city with an old university acquaintance. I got in touch with him specifically to talk about his Ship fanatiscism! For those out of the loop, part of my novel involves a great deal of oceanic travel, my experience and knowledge of which is roughly zero, or there abouts.

We took the same "History and Terror" (or something exciting like that) class. He had this incredibly thick eyebrow (yes singlular, it is a marvelous thing) and in the tutorial ice breaker he introduced himself as a "ship nerd". Yeah, it's safe to say he was immediately immortalised in my hall of legends!

Back to Tues night, we spent an hour and a half talking about my novel's plot (or lack there of) and emerging themes and of course possible ship/ocean/geographical scenarios. I have never felt so excited about ships, particularly cargo ships... pirate ones! I learnt about how ships travel through the Suez Canel, ship crews, container ships and so much more! He also very generously gave me a list of fiction and non-fiction books to and articles to read/research.
Talk about highlight of the decade!


This is just one of the great things about a big writing project - the people you gather and take along for the ride!

Little Adin pt2




Read part 1 below first :)


She would go to that carnival no matter what. She found the “secret” stash of cash in her mother’s underwear drawer. She took a few big notes from the roll and put the rest back under the black lace bras.


     She walked the whole forty minutes to the carnival, but had to run the last few meters, mostly for fear of losing her life. That stupid mutt Minky had almost gotten loose this time. Minky – the terror of the town, the most savage dog ever known to man. Most people thought she was rabid. The police had been over to Mrs Warbin’s house at least three times, handing over warnings about Minky; aggressive, scaring the neighbourhood kids, way too hostile to be running around loose in the front lawn. She could run right up to the fence and bark at anything that came too close. Of course Mrs Warbin was a cantankerous old hag who didn’t care what the neighbours or the police or anybody else thought.
     The Carnival was closed, season was over. No-one had told her. Last night had been the last night. The other kids were sitting on the field around the outside of the carnival’s barriers watching the carnies pulling down the rides. How had she not known? She felt hot tears well up in her eyes as she watched them packing down the big Ferris wheel. She plonked down on the wet grass, felt the dampness creep through her cotton dress, her tights, her undies , giving her a little shudder. She was too defeated to fight that particularly uncomfortable feeling. She watched the rest of the dismantling in silence, the other kids running around, laughing.


     It was much later and darker when she finally got up and began the long walk home. She hung her head and stared at the ground, not really paying attention to much besides the pavement in front of her. She didn’t even notice when the fence to her left changed to the mould covered, putrid pink calling card for danger. Mrs Warbin’s picket fence. Within seconds Minky was next to her, barking savagely, mauling the fence, trying to grab the edge of her mustard coat. She would have jumped out of her skin or ran to the other side of the road. Instead she turned and faced the caged beast. She grabbed the ends of her coat and screamed at the dog. 
“You want this? YOU WANT IT?”
     Minky paused, mid bark and stared at her through the fence. She was hysterical, screaming louder and louder at the dumbfounded dog.
“DOYOUWANTIT?”
     Suddenly Mrs Warbin was on the porch, coming down the front steps of her house, waving her cane at Adin and yelling out: 
     “Leave him alone!”
     Adin, was amped on adrenalin and anger and all the sadness of her miserable existence. 
     “SHUTUPSHUTUPSHUTUP.“
     She was screaming and shaking. Rage was coming out of her in words and tears and urine, running down her leg. Mrs Warbin stopped. She was half-way down the path to the front gate. She was as stunned as Minky, who was still quiet, peering at Adin through the fence, perhaps sensing that Adin’s madness was not the kind she was used to. It was not stable, not predictable or comfortable. Mrs Warbin cocked her head to the side, mirroring Minky, who was now sniffing through fence at Adin’s wetness. 
     Mrs Warbin took the last few steps to the gate and opened it. She came out, put her arm around Adin and lead her into the house. Minky followed behind her, sniffing her backside, piecing together the last four hours of Adin’s life – fresh wetness, old wetness, field grass, elephants? This was one exciting person. Adin quivered; she was tired, worn down. Mrs Warbin sat her down on a big lounge chair and hobbled off down the hall to some unseen part of the house. 
     Adin dropped her head to her chest and waited for the shaking to subside. She stared down at the black buttons on her stupid coat and began pulling at one, twisting it until it snapped off. She hid the button down the side of the armchair and began pulling off the next. When all five buttons were hidden there, she looked up and realised she didn’t know where she was. 
     Then she saw the devil beast lying just below where her feet hung over the end of the chair. Her heart jumped into her mouth as she looked around and began to comprehend what she was looking at: the inside of the old hags pink house! Suddenly she heard the hag shuffling down the hall, clinking things, rattling things as she came closer and closer. She couldn’t get off the sofa and make a quick exit, the hag had set her guard dog at her feet to watch her and hinder her escape. 
     The hag was getting closer. So this was it, this was how she would die. She hadn’t even seen much of anything yet. So many hours, days wasted sitting in boring classes, eating dry sandwiches, and bruised fruit. She swallowed the raising lump in her throat. 
     Emerging from the darkened hall, the hag pushed a wooden trolley-like contraption. On the trolley, were not implements for the removal of the brains of little children, no instead there was a steaming pink teapot, two matching pink tea-cups, a sugar bowl and milk jar and a plate of digestive biscuits.
     Mrs Warbin poured out the tea, added milk and a teaspoon of sugar. She stirred and handed it calmly to Adin, who stifled a grimace of fear (of death by poisoning) and took the cup and saucer and placed it in her lap, surrounding it protectively with her fingers.
     One sip. Adin waited for the poison to overcome her, she didn’t put up a fight, there was none left in her. She was tired. Too tired to care, too tired to even want to care. She just hoped it would be quick, and that she wouldn’t have to cough up blood or her own beating heart.

Wednesday

Little Adin pt1



I've arrived at New Year's Eve Eve, and the novel is not coming to a close as yet. However, instead of wallowing in self-loathing, I think that this would be a good time to post a short extract to distract you all from the fact that I haven't finished... Hope your New Years celebrations are fun and frivolous!

Adin’s feet were hanging over the edge, knocking against the bottom of the sofa, shaking dried mud from her purple Mary-Janes on the carpet. Mum was going to be angry, but Adin didn’t care. She was late again, too late to cook dinner, too late to pick her up from school. 
     Adin knocked her feet harder; she was dressed and ready to leave. The spring carnival was waiting for her. In an insulated town like hers, this was the most thrilling thing to have happened since Mr Stanton had run down Blakely Street in his Y-fronts yelling, “I am Zeus” and throwing imaginary lightning bolts at people. Both of the police cars at the local station had been dispatched to collect him that day. The funniest part was seeing the policemen duck to avoid being struck by Mr Stanton’s flying lightning bolts, which he flung with incredible force. It struck her then that the ratio of crazy people to normal people in this town was quite high.

     She was the only kid in her entire school that had not yet been to the carnival. It had been running for two weeks and day after day the stories came flooding in from the others. Butt-face Brian had been on the Spinning Wheel of Death seventeen times. Mandy Man-pants had eaten so much candy-floss that she threw up pink spew, twice. Then there was Toe-nails Tay, who was the only kid tall enough to get onto the Big rollercoaster ride, after which he barfed up half a bucket. 
     There was a competition going to see who had barfed the most. She strongly suspected that most of the children were exaggerating the exact quantity, particularly as there were no judges hanging around to weigh it and report back to the others. She found that most of the children were really bad at lying. Their eyes would open too wide, or they would avoid eye contact. Some unconsciously scratched at their scabs. Of course no-one cared if she believed them or not. Most of the time no-one even noticed she was there, on the outskirts of the circle, sitting alone, pretending to eat her sawdust sandwiches. No-one asked if she had been. 
     She could always lie and wow them with her own elaborate story of the rides she’d been on, the toys she’d won and her own rainbow coloured barf. But she didn’t want to lie this time. She would feel the exhilaration of the Little rollercoaster, she would savour the rejection by the angry carnie man measuring kids for the Big rollercoaster. She would eat her weight in toffee apples and cream soda and she would tell them all about it. She would finally talk to someone other than Pig-nose Pamela, who lived in the library, reading and re-reading the two books available on flesh eating insects. She was plagued with a fear that a bug would crawl into her ear one night, and eat her brain. The worn, yellow woollen ear-muffs she wore everyday – rain, hail or sunshine – made her look pretty crazy. The story of Adin’s Uncle who died of a brain haemorrhage because a baby locust had found its way into his ear came back to her as it often did when she looked at those ear-muffs. She always felt a little guilty about that lie. That was probably half the reason she often joined Pamela in the library.   

     Even Pig-face, worm ears Pamela had been to the carnival! Adin used to think her mother hated her. But as she got older she started to realise it was something more subtle and stinging than that. Sometimes mum barely seemed to register her presence, as though she simply forgot Adin existed. 
     She jumped off the sofa, stomping the mud deeper into the carpet. She pulled on her black gumboots and her old mustard coloured raincoat. This was one thing she would not let her mother ruin. She would go to that carnival no matter what.